I think it’s important for anyone to know what makes them feel comfortable and happy. I was thinking about what used to make me feel like that and this blog was one of them. It’s work to maintain it and even more work to decide how much of my life I want to tell people about, but it’s definitely worth it when people tell me they appreciate my writing. And for me personally, it’s nice to write about shit and get a bit relieved.

I was thinking about that cos I look around me and all my friends have grown up so much in such a short amount of time. And I’m so proud of them. people seem to be getting older AND wiser so I guess getting old can be good. Then I was like ‘I really don’t feel like I’ve made that much progress in my character’, if anything I’ve gone down hill wearing green lipstick :/// (jokes I actually love it) so yeah what do u do when everyone seems to be piecing their lives together and you’re like oh fuck :))

The answer is I have no fucking idea. That’s why I’m writing this cos it seems to be therapeutic. My grandad was talking to me ages ago and somehow the question got raised of ‘who’ll get divorced first in our family?’ WHAT SORT OF FUCKING QUESTION IS THAT?? Anyway so you should know there are 8 adults in my family and 9 grandchildren. So altogether 17 people which is quite a lot. And my grandad is thinking about this quite thoroughly and finally decides to pick, u guessed it, me. Me!!! Out of 17 people I just swear that’s so harsh and not even real cod I don’t even wanna get married so ding ding ding we have a dickhead. My grandad is actually a nice guy and we get in just sometimes these old folks think they’re the bomb.com but in actuality they’re a bombthreat.net

I kind of see where he’s coming from like I don’t have a great track record of keeping boys around, but I mean who does these days?? But come on!! That’s so harsh!! He always asks me like where’s your boyfriend why don’t u have a boyfriend??? And it’s just like question mark QueStIOn MArK QUESTION MARK?????? But the thing is right, cos he’s old, he doesn’t get that u can achieve stuff and be a normal person without a relationship.

Most people I know are either in or have been in a serious relationship by 18 so yeah I am part of the abnormal crowd. But mainly, and I’m stressing the word mainly, that’s by choice. I don’t wanna just go out with someone for the sake of it and I don’t need someone to tell me that I am really good at something or that I look nice like I got me (and nick) for that. The thing that annoys me is that my grandad obviously thinks a woman’s success is measured on the success of a man. And not being funny but look at me slaying the game with no man?? Like I’m sorry grandad but if I’m not exhibit fucking A at how a girl can be a success without a boyf, then I am nothing.

I think you could look at my destructive nature as a fault but I see it as a way of making sure I only get the best out of life. And that’s what I’ve got. I’ve got what I want and yeah maybe that’s mean to people who I’ve had things with in the past or even people I’ve only fancied (if you’re part of this crowd: you could literally make an army there’s so many of u) but actually think about it, think about ur life if u pursued me…you’re glad nothing happened!!! So yeah I don’t even know what this is about I just wrote it cos I can and I do feel better than I did 20 mins ago.

Also I’d like to thank nick and Lucy for being such wonderful friends. Like I honestly don’t know what I would have done these past three months without u being wonderful. Nick, I’d be in some shitty gutter if it weren’t for your tough love and honesty. And Lucy p, I have never met such a genuine, kind person who will always listen to me and is always always always looking out for everyone. Your commitment to my happiness is inspiring and I would do anything to ensure you two were as happy as can be cos u deserve it so much. Together you are a formidable force but all three of us together is like one giant massive powerful snowball