I was in the car on the way back from London today and I was thinking about lyfff xo and I thought I haven’t written a blog post I wanted to write since the one before last. I felt like I needed to write the last one I wrote but that’s stupid cos this blog isn’t for mediocre blog posts it’s for posts that are worth reading.

Anyway I thinking about how I haven’t written and why and it’s because I’ve changed so much. Like how I feel about certain people has changed drastically, and how I feel about myself has changed more. I felt like I needed to be like middle fingers up the whole time but I don’t because that’s not good for someone to always be like that.

This realisation came near the end of summer when there was a shift in ma lyf and I was left with my personality that didn’t match how I felt at the time. So I was like ???? What do I do with this like mess??? Only recently have I seen that I literally do not need to be the same all the time. Cos there are so many days when I’m like actually fuck you all, I’m on my own. Days when I fancy E V E R Y O N E and just wanna be told i’m pretty xo and days when I just wanna be weird and a 12 y/o.

It’s strange to have a personality shift because you change but the people around you and ur environment can’t always change with you and they most likely won’t. I think that’s why I’ve been having trouble writing cos it’s like what do I say?? But I think it’s more interesting to read someone’s actual thoughts and what’s going on in THAT moment of their life.

I can’t emotionally ALWAYS be independent. Like it’s too hard. But I can be most of the time, not always but 85% of the time I am indepndent. but I used to feel like independence for a 21st century gel came with FULL independence all day everyday. Like not needing anyone but yourself. But you can’t do it and I can’t do it either. Being independent for me now is being secure without depending on too many people, but you need to depend on some. Like when ur sad at a party and you just NEED ur friends or when u need to get from cooden beach to heathfield at 11pm and ur mam understands the importance of party lyf enough to drive you. Like depending on people isn’t bad but when you can’t do shit for yourself that’s bad.

It’s hard to always do something on your own, and it just made me feel lonely. For a long time it was fun but then it became hard and it wasn’t worth it. I love being independent my old idea wasn’t working and it was just S O draining and I had no idea that soething that brought me so much happiness(being an independent gal) could alos run me down. I think I’m evolving into a  grown woman and I’ll get there sooner than most people do (some don’t even get there) but it is my goal and I’m excited to reach it. Cos for me a GW gets what she wants but knows how to get it with other ppl helping.

I was thinking that I’m so grateful to the time I live in because of the music. I know I always bring it up, but some songs just get me through. Like ‘can’t be tamed’ is basically all I listen to rn. Knock em out, sex with me, superpower are a few songs that I’m so grateful to have cos POWER actually lives in them. It’s sad to think that when my mum was young there were a limited amount of songs that encouraged independence but now I can’t even begin to count how many there are. So I’m dependent on music too.

I think it’s important for people to have personality evaluations especially me cos I analyse THE FUCK out of everything. But it’s just important to look at your life and decide if you’re actually cool with how things are and if they’re not anymore, what changed to make that happen. Not everything you can solve and change cos that would be living in a fantasy world n we obvs don’t cos if we did this blog would be called mollyistyles.com. but some things you can and the things I can change in my life that I don’t like anymore I’m gunna change cos what’s the point in pretending to be one way when you’re the opposite.

I’m still an independence enthusiast, just a new type. The true type x